Morality around assisting the physically disabled towards sexual gratification

[Fayzal Mahamed]

At the beginning of February I posted an article on the Center for Inquiry (CFI) forum entitled "Why I Masturbate my Son" a copy which is below. As a member of CFI and a fellow secular huamnist I thought this was the ideal forum to debate why I masturbate my son, which as you will see after reading my article central to secular humanism.

I was amazed that instead of debating the issue, my article was censored and the posting removed. <removed extraneous comments about other sites - Michael>

Why I Masturbate my Son

I am a single father of a twenty one year old son named Mustafa who suffers from severe cerebral palsy. I have since the birth of Mustafa been intricately involved in his care and upbringing. Although Mustafa is seriously debilitated by his condition and faces enormous challenges in his life I have through a daily ritual of dedication, love, care and with abundance of patience been able to provide an environment of happiness and comfort, equal to that of any normal child.

Recently, I have been inspired by the revelation of baby Ashley X whose parents decided to stunt her growth in order to make her more manageable to handle. The dedication of Ashley X’s parents allowed me to come on air on a national radio station, Radio 702, to disclose a more controversial aspect of my son’s care.

My closeness to my son as well as my philosophy of life (secular humanism) and together with a reasonable understanding of what constitutes a healthy human being has allowed me to provide not only the wellbeing of my son physically and emotionally but sexually as well. I came to realise a few years ago that my son underwent the stage of puberty like all normal children and had sexual desires similar to all normal boys of his age. It came naturally in the development and care of my son to MASTURBATE him in order to relieve his sexual desires.

Masturbation is well documented as medically proven for the well being, physically and emotionally of every human being. It is a natural development for all human beings to indulge in from the onset of puberty. Masturbation gives great pleasure and relieves sexual tension. After masturbating him my son would express his pleasure and relief as all normal teenagers do. I doubt that any human being does not engage in masturbation at some stage in his or her life but if any person takes a conscientious decision not to masturbate it indicates a psychological problem on the part of the person and not with the act of masturbation.

The reason for my disclosure was twofold:
1. To allow other parents of severely handicapped teenagers who may be in a similar position and predicament to the situation that I faced to be able to explore an additional option in fulfilling the sexual desires of these teenagers.
2. To expose how the medical and health care workers of physiotherapist and psychologist have ignored or treated the subject of sexual feelings of cerebral teenage children as some sort of taboo subject not to be discussed at all.

I would like to emphasise that I am not advocating that teenage girls be masturbated as I am not familiar with female physiology, nor am I advocating that health care workers start masturbating teenagers under their care. I understand that this is illegal and will open up a new avenue of abuse. However, I am advocating that the medical fraternity start debating and exploring how to address this sensitive issue.

Since my revelation of masturbating my son I have been shunned by almost all the media in country. The blog that I have been using locally and in the USA has been censored and blocked. The medical fraternity taking care of the development of child health and welfare refuses to see me and discuss the issue.

There is a deafening silence by both the media and citizens of my country in addressing a very important health issue of children like my son who not only has to face his internal physical difficulties but also the prejudices of society.


Addendum to my original article.

As a former Muslim I understand that I would be pretty dumb and stupid if I came on air and claimed that I masturbate my severe cerebral palsied son. I know that there is no basis in Islam and as a Muslim to claim any religious justification for my act. However, I am a secular humanist. I live my life according to the philosphy of a secular humanism. I therefore have no problem masturbating my cerebral palsied son because by the principals of secular humanism of science, reason and logic my act is both correct and healthy to my son's life.

I wish to request all the members of this blog, most of whom are atheist and secular humanist to engage me in a debate to see the ethics / morality of my act.

Fayzal Mahamed

<Fayzal has requested that we add a link to this very much later post of his which he thinks adds important information to the OP, and which might save someone from having to go through 10+ pages to get to that information. - Michael>

[David Vestal]

Let me be the first creeped-out person to state the obvious: if you're sexually stimulating your son without any indication that he desires that stimulation from you, that is rape. Putative medical benefits are irrelevant.

[Mace]

Well, I've began several introductions for this post

And then deleted each one of them

I don't know what to say

[David B]

I spent several years working in a place where people with severe autism, and challenging behaviour, had asylum.

Some of them would attempt sexual congress with floors, peoples legs, or feet, stuff like that.

None of the staff, to my knowledge, tried to teach them or assist them. However, there was talk of trying to get a sex therapist to try to address their needs. This never happened, but perhaps it would have been a good idea.

I have grave doubts as to whether you are doing the right thing, for reasons others have made above, but I do have sympathy for your position.

David B

[Straight Hate]

You may have convinced yourself that by virtue of your good intentions, your actions are moral. However, I would urge you to consider a couple of things.

As noted above, the issue of consent; of which one part is your son's consent, something he cannot give. Therefore, you would have to act in accordance with existing legal guidelines to take the 'moral' course, and I highly doubt they fall in favour of your actions thus far.

Secondly, the other aspect of consent is the nature of the 'doctor/patient' relationship, which is clearly applicable to this present context. If your son's consent could be given (which it can't), then it would fall to a legally-sanctioned sex worker to carry out the task (who probably doesn't exist), not you - his caregiver - no matter how good your intentions may be.

It is in your moral interest to stop, and it is in your personal interest to not state your actions publicly.

[Queen of Swords]

Originally Posted by Mace

I don't know what to say

Ditto. I mean... where do you even start with masturbating your children? "OK, son, it's four o'clock, masturbation time! And at four-thirty, Sesame Street is on!"

It's certainly natural for people to masturbate, but it's not so natural for the fathers of people to take it into their heads to masturbate their children, and unless you had your son's express permission to do so, it sounds abusive to me. Please bear in mind that there is an imbalance of power here - your son is dependent on you in a way that most children aren't, and therefore he may be going along with your decisions because he feels he has no other choice. Not saying that's the case, just that it may be possible.

[figuer]

I don't find anything objectionable with your action.

You are giving your son a pleasure which otherwise he would not receive, and which he possibly craves instinctually.

I don't know if you are a homosexual, but if you are, you are also receiving pleasure, and that might ease your situation, which is rather compromised.

The reactions of the medical community show a lack of intelectual maturity and I would say the same of most of the reactions of the previous posts.

Such an action in the ancient world would have been considered not only harmless, but commendable, an example of a truly loving parent.

But the dominance of Abrahamic antisexual religion has created so many tabus that even those who consider themselves free-thinkers are bound by it.

I admire your courage and determination to stand by the wellfare of your son against the hipocresy of society.

[aegis]

Does your son realize what masturbation is and that you are doing it? Might he be feeling violated but is not able to communicate that to you?

[David Vestal]

Originally Posted by figuer

I don't find anything objectionable with your action.

You are giving your son a pleasure which otherwise he would not receive, and which he possibly craves instinctually.

Figuer, you seem to be ignoring the problem of consent.

Let me pose a scenario to you. In this scenario, a man finds himself alone in a room with a severely developmentally disabled 15-year-old girl, who is not able to communicate with him. Can you think of any reason why he should not copulate with her? If you truly see no problem with lack of consent, are you able to articulate a reason why he shouldn't?

For that matter, are you able to articulate a reason why he shouldn't have anal sex with her, or Fayzal with his son? I've no idea, barring that of consent, what objection you might raise in either situation.

[username]

do people 'feel violated' by receiving pleasure until they are taught they are supposed to?

I don't know that this is much different than getting a back massage. Masturbation is sexual touching, but only because we have been taught that is what it is. I don't know the capacity of the son in this story so can't really say much about the specifics.

[The Other Michael]

The staff have discussed this topic and we're going to treat it as a legitimate OP so we're moving it back out into MF&P.

Everyone seems to be doing a reasonable job so far of remaining civil, but then that's only what we expect.

Keep any comments directed at the topic, and avoid personal comments. If you haven't done so lately, reviewing MF&P forum rules might be worth doing at this time. The zeroth rule is the one I'd direct you to.

cheers,
Michael

[premjan]

Is a person with cerebral palsy capable of giving consent? Did you discover your son having automatic erections? Any tendency to rub himself on such occasions? Does cerebral palsy imply total loss of autonomous control?

[Monkey Wrench]

I'm happy to hear that you're providing care for your son yourself instead of dumping in an institution. But as far as providing for his sexual needs, I believe that masturbating him is unnecessary. If his body needs sexual release he will experience "wet dreams" or "nocturnal emissions".

[Josie]

The only real facts presented are 20year old male, with severe cerebral palsy. We have to assume that this is so severe that he is physically incapable of doing this for himself. There is no mention of mental age/abilities. Is this person mentally challenged, or do they have a normal intelligence?

My ick factor is more for who is doing it, than that fact that it is being done. The consent issue has been addressed by others, but even if this is something he wants, I don't feel that his father and primary care giver is the right person for the job, too much of a power imbalance. Interview some sex-workers, and find someone that is acceptable to him, and is willing to work with someone handicapped. Set up regular visits, keep them safe, but allow him some privacy. This does assume that he has the intelligence to make a choice, and can communicate it somehow.

If he is not capable of making a choice, then it is abuse, and this is only for your benefit. If he is not capable of making a choice, he is not feeling any loss from not having sexual contact or release.

[Fayzal Mahamed]

Hi David,

David stated

Originally Posted by David Vestal

if you're sexually stimulating your son without any indication that he desires that stimulation from you, that is rape. Putative medical benefits are irrelevant.

Rape is defined in the Collins English Dictionary as "the offence of forcing a person, esp. a woman, to submit to sexual intercourse against that persons will." If you have read my article carefully you will notice that nowhere have I stated that I am engaging in sexual intercourse with my son voluntarily or forcefully. I think after analysing my article properly it will only take a "wild imagination" to construe that I am having sex or a sexual relationship with my son.

A further point to note is that my actions to masturbate my son is done from a point of compassion, love and care for my son. I do not derive any sexual pleasure thereof. Rape on the other hand is a forceful, violent act against an opposing person. My son Mustafa is no "victim". He is the recipient of a loving and caring environment.

Secondly David stated

Originally Posted by David Vestal

you're sexually stimulating your son without any indication that he desires that stimulation from you.

I have clearly stated in my article that my son suffers from severe cerebral palsy. This means that although he physically has a body of a 21 year old male his mental capacity is less than the IQ of a six month old baby. My son cannot indicate his desire for food. Nor can he indicate that he has soiled his diapers. He cannot indicate if the pain he has is through a headache, toothache or constipation. He cannot indicate if he is tired sleeping on one side of the bed, nor can he indicate if he is lonely. He cannot indicate whether he would like a walk in the park and feel the cool breeze on his face and he cannot indicate which ice cream flavour he enjoys the most. And yes my son cannot indicate he desires sexual stimulation from me. Yet I would be true to say that any loving and caring parent instinctively knows the desires and the needs of his or her child, normal or disabled. In my case I am more acutely aware of my son's needs because I am sincerely devoted to his care and making sure that my son lives a life equal and normal to any other happy normal child.

I would also like to point out that Mustafa is physically normal to all other children / teenagers. He went through the stages of puberty like all other children and he expresses his sexual desire whenever he is "aroused" as all normal children do and that is by means of an erect penis. Aroused in this sense is when I might be changing diapers or bathing him or simply playing with him.

The medical opinion is that nearly all teenagers, male and female, masturbate in order to express and relieve their sexual desires. The act of masturbating my son is an act of compassion and care on my side in order that my son Mustafa leads a well balanced and a healthy life, physically, emotionally and sexually.

Fayzal

[Monkey Wrench]

You have just indicated that your son is incapable of giving consent.
I wrote in an earlier post that what you are doing is unnecessary his body will "relieve" its self, the same way it expels urine or feces.

[Fayzal Mahamed]

Hi David


David quoted:

Originally Posted by David B

I spent several years working in a place where people with severe autism, and challenging behaviour, had asylum.

Some of them would attempt sexual congress with floors, peoples legs, or feet, stuff like that.

None of the staff, to my knowledge, tried to teach them or assist them. However, there was talk of trying to get a sex therapist to try to address their needs. This never happened, but perhaps it would have been a good idea.

I have grave doubts as to whether you are doing the right thing, for reasons others have made above, but I do have sympathy for your position.

David B

Thank you for your observation and your comments. This is exactly the response and the debate I am trying to invoke with my article. You will notice I have been careful not to prescribe to the health and medical workers any solution to the mentally challenged and disabled patients. But the debate has to be opened up and not treated as a taboo subject.

We have all the scientific evidence that masturbation is an integral part of the health of all human beings. Surely the health and medical fraternity including all those proffesors in tertiary education cannot simply ignore the needs of these patients. Again I am not prescribing what should be done but this issue cannot merely be swept under the carpet because the disabled and mentally challenged cannot exercise their rights to dignity and a healthy life.

I remember hearing on radio how a mother of a mentally challenged child aged 18 years, complained how her son would come into the main lounge and while there were guest there he would begin masturbating himself and she would scold him for the act of masturbation. I have a certain sympathy for her but she failed to understand that her son was doing what comes naturally to all teenagers. She should instead of scolding him rather encouraged him to perform the act in private.

I urge you to be more outspoken about this subject David especially as you are in this particular field of work.

[Monkey Wrench]

Please read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape

Rape is a form of assault involving the non-consensual use of the sexual organs of another person's body.
You have indicated your son is incapable of giving consent.

I know you love your son and your only intent is to make him happy and to give him pleasure. But there are other ways, music, pictures scents and ride in the park.

[username]

Originally Posted by Monkey Wrench

You have just indicated that your son is incapable of giving consent.
I wrote in an earlier post that what you are doing is unnecessary his body will "relieve" its self, the same way it expels urine or feces.

I don't know much about about 'wet dreams' so can't comment on it other than to say my intuition tells me this would result from a need going unfulfilled rather than being a normal occurrence for those whose sexual needs are routinely fulfilled.

The issue I wanted to comment on most is your statement that his son is incapable of giving consent. I would agree his son sounds incapable of giving consent to sexual stimulation, but he also sounds incapable of giving consent to being fed food.

In such a case I don't know that consent is really valuable.

The lack of expressed consent does not necessarily imply that the sexual stimulation and subsequent release are harmful to the well being of this person.

I think the OP is wise to avoid recommending any solution to be applied wholesale, but at the same time I am unable to view the OP as a child molester or rapist simply because consent is impossible.

Perhaps the part of your post that seems strongest to me is your claim that nocturnal emissions are sufficient to provide well being to this person in terms of sexual release.

I would like to see more discussion on this point. My only frame of reference is myself as an early teen. I think I only had a wet dream once or twice, but I masturbated myself all the time. I suspect that if I didn't masturbate I may have had them more frequently. Had I not masturbated regularly though I don't think I would have considered the occasional wet dream sufficient to fully meet my body/brain need/desire for sexual stimulation and release.

Certainly I am no expert on this topic though.

[Fayzal Mahamed]

Hi Straight Hate

Originally Posted by Straight Hate

You may have convinced yourself that by virtue of your good intentions, your actions are moral. However, I would urge you to consider a couple of things.

As noted above, the issue of consent; of which one part is your son's consent, something he cannot give. Therefore, you would have to act in accordance with existing legal guidelines to take the 'moral' course, and I highly doubt they fall in favour of your actions thus far.

Secondly, the other aspect of consent is the nature of the 'doctor/patient' relationship, which is clearly applicable to this present context. If your son's consent could be given (which it can't), then it would fall to a legally-sanctioned sex worker to carry out the task (who probably doesn't exist), not you - his caregiver - no matter how good your intentions may be.

It is in your moral interest to stop, and it is in your personal interest to not state your actions publicly.

I would prefer not to let this debate focus on the legality of my action but rather the morality and the health aspects of my act.

You state "it is my moral interest to stop" but what you really mean it is my legal interest not to publicly come out and state that I am masturbating my son. Legally speaking this may or may not be correct here in South Africa.

However, I did not come out publicly to serve my legal interest but to serve my moral interest, the points of which I have clearly stated in my article.

Fayzal.

[premjan]

A human being with so little mental and physical autonomy can only be grateful (if capable of even feeling such an emotion) that his needs are met to any degree.

[Monkey Wrench]

Fayzal,
I know you love your son and your only intent is to make him happy and to give him pleasure. But there are other ways, music, pictures scents and ride in the park.

I don't believe what you are doing medically or emotional necessary, normal teenagers masturbate because of mental stimulation as much as physical need. Your son does not appear capable of mental stimulation. Therefore any ejaculations will only occure when physically necessary.

You love your son, that is very important. I believe what you are doing an act done out of love.It is an emotional need on your part to give pleasure to your son, but it is unnecessary. Please try to find other ways to give your son happiness.

[Fayzal Mahamed]

Hi Monkey Wrench

Originally Posted by Monkey Wrench

I'm happy to hear that you're providing care for your son yourself instead of dumping in an institution. But as far as providing for his sexual needs, I believe that masturbating him is unnecessary. If his body needs sexual release he will experience "wet dreams" or "nocturnal emissions".

I dont' think you are expressing a medical opinion. If by your reasoning all human beings experience wet dreams or nocturnal emmissions then it is not neccesary that human beings masturbate. But the fact is human beings do masturbate even though they experience wet dreams and scientist say that masturbation is natural and an integral part for the developement of a healthy human being.

Fayzal.

[Fayzal Mahamed]

Originally Posted by premjan

A human being with so little mental and physical autonomy can only be grateful (if capable of even feeling such an emotion) that his needs are met to any degree.

Thank you for those really kind words Premjan.

I would also like to state that my son does express a lot of emotion and what is remarkable is the happiness he exubariates. I've seen many children and even my daughter who is a year older than Mustafa does not show the enthusiasm and zest for life like Mustafa does. Truly remarkable.

My reward in looking after my son is the greatest reward any father could ever want and that is to see the contentment in my son's eyes.

Thanks again.

Fayzal

[Monkey Wrench]

Originally Posted by Fayzal Mahamed

Hi Monkey Wrench



I dont' think you are expressing a medical opinion. If by your reasoning all human beings experience wet dreams or nocturnal emmissions then it is not neccesary that human beings masturbate. But the fact is human beings do masturbate even though they experience wet dreams and scientist say that masturbation is natural and an integral part for the developement of a healthy human being.

Fayzal.

The "developement " your refering to is mental developement. At any rate your not causing your son any harm.
Best Wishes to you and your son, Monkey